Nature is a series of checks and balances. Yin and yang. Ups, downs, hundreds and ducks. For every Cavalier there is a Roundhead.

Date: 29/05/2021
Opposition: Staines & Laleham IV's
Venue: Staines & Laleham
Man of the match: Jack Le Feuvre
Prat of the match: - The car park manager - pot holes a la Somme - The South West Train guard at Clapham Jct for letting T Sturm on with a Meccano bike - The oppo square leg umpire - “Run out? Sorry I wasn’t actually looking” - The two dicks who clipped Wheezing off their legs for four x2. But given I had no real fine leg protection it’s all BH’s fault. (Stop bowling down leg Wheezing!)

Nature is a series of checks and balances. Yin and yang. Ups, downs, hundreds and ducks. For every Cavalier there is a Roundhead.

And so for every match report that comes in with a word count greater than a Victorian novella there should be an attempt at redress. Call it variety.

Where some offer prose. Here’s a go at poetry. With no mention of the word Doomseed anywhere. Oops. I just did.

4 by 4?
Parking (available)
Even SUVs can find space
BBQ Buffet (for team mates looking for runs)
Kemp lb - furiosco
Alex - lb ankle - sad face emoji
Desert dry for 10 overs - consolidation
BH / Dip....nowtgoing on
Drinks
Refreshment / renaissance
Shift on
Dip / BH are Swinging like the 1960s
And the partnership’s well in the 60s
Ben gone
Flex the middle order
RagNBone’s toppled
But Sturm cooks up a Drang! And runs nobody out.
4s!
Rate = 6+
Ragu / Mandeep buffet up
H and me bbq
Tentative collapse
The Wheezing Scorer pads up
Mandeep’s set / decent
Mandeep’s fucked off
JLF: stick to the bowling
Message to Charlie: “you will make more runs than me - so please just stay in.”
But Charlie calls. And falls.
Son gives father a master class - in how to tap gloves with nonchalance - please, no eye contact Dad.
“I’ll swing you run.”
They push it on for 3 overs. And Wheezing’s not out.
His infinity’s on the cards.

Scorers’ anomaly
195 actually = 198 under scrutiny (And barristers think they are masters of detail?)
Hat tip Ragu for the eagle-eyed rescue.
3 runs is massive in Staines.

Bowling

Charlie - a no fer, a broken arm and a car stuck in Staines. That’s sport for your pains.

Harris -moody and glum after 4 - then BH gives him one more ...top of off - then off pad onto middle. Finally all sunshine and smiles.

Wheezing - not your best day at the office. Last month’s rain and wind = (welcome) Scottish conditions for miserly wickets. Today we’re in England. A greener, more pleasant land.

JLF - take a bow with your mountains of cheap wickets. He’s gone double dating Michelle.

Half time drinks it’s 78 - Wheezing’s just happy it stayed under 80.

More JLF

He keeps taking wickets. Making a 7-fer. That’s Michelle’s big sister.

JLF...the verdict is in: an open and shut case of outrageous fortune based on hard work. Bastard - I’m jealous.

Dotd:
- The car park manager - pot holes a la Somme
- The South West Train guard at Clapham Jct for letting T Sturm on with a Meccano bike
- The oppo square leg umpire - “Run out? Sorry I wasn’t actually looking”
- The two dicks who clipped Wheezing off their legs for four x2. But given I had no real fine leg protection it’s all BH’s fault. (Stop bowling down leg Wheezing!)

MOTM
How do you clip the bails that often?

Ask JLF. If he’s not too busy with the Michelle family.

Further mentions in Haiku:
Riskovitch - pressure skyer - big tick
Higgo - healed by Christmas?
Houghto - cappo’s telepathy
Shinpad of Chairman - only you will know
Ankle of Alex.....really?

Song of the day

Ryan Paris - “Dolce vita”

4 by 4 - tick.

Campaigners campaign. Never forget it.