Following recent triumphs, the mission is simple. Win. At all costs.

Date: 15/05/2021
Opposition: Battersea Ironsides CC
Venue: Streatham & Marlborough CC
Man of the match: Suggs
Prat of the match: Dan Kemp - For bowling the wicket ball of the century on a no ball

TARGET: BATTERSEA IRONSIDES 3RD XI

MISSION ETA: 15 MAY 2021 - 1200

WEATHER: FUBAR

MISSION COMMANDER: CAPTAIN SUGGITT

MISSION: Following recent triumphs, the mission is simple. Win. At all costs.

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(1100) Expecting last minute communications delaying the battle, friendly troops have arrived at the battlefield. Weather is inclement. Unsure at this time whether battle will commence.

(1130) Friendly troops from the Hampton Wick Royal Engineers have begun preparations to remove the covers. The required number of troops (11, plus 2 defecting enemy troops) have been drafted in to accomplish the task of first lifting the plastic tarpaulin, then moving it 0.1 clicks to the east, without spilling any of the collected water onto the protected wicket. (MISSION FAILURE)

(1150) The enemy has been engaged. As per international rules of engagement, the first contact is always with the ceremonial flipping of a coin. Captain Suggitt representing the friendlies. If Suggitt wins this first encounter, the friendlies will be bowling. (MISSION FAILURE - FRIENDLIES IN TO BAT)

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(1200) Captain Suggitt and Private Ikram (Z) have taken to the field.

(1220) Friendlies have suffered early losses. Privates Ikram (6) and Rudolph (5) falling after accurate close range fire from the enemy’s opening salvo, with friendly defenses proving inadequate to keep out the straight ball. Captain Suggitt has so far avoided damage . Early reports from the trenches indicate that morale is dropping amongst the friendlies.

(1240) The beginnings of a partnership are forming between Captain Suggitt and the new transfer, Corporal Webb, somewhat helped by outrageous decisions from covert friendly troops currently occupying the role of Umpire. A solid foundation is beginning to be built.

(1320) Further losses. Much to the bemusement of Corporal Webb (20), a stray salvo has been deemed to be hitting his stumps, seeing him dismissed from the battlefield, not before aiming some friendly fire at the umpire in the form of a tough staredown. Signalman Rowe (2) attempted to reinforce the Hampton Wick position, but was quickly taken down by another LBW decision from the umpire. Captain Suggitt is still going strong.

(1345) Reinforcements have arrived. He isn’t wearing the regulation uniform, but that is not stopping Rifleman Jindal. This is clearly not the first time he has wielded this weapon. Captain Suggitt has come out of hiding and also joined the offensive. These two are really taking it to the enemy, firing shots all over the battlefield.

(1400) The captain has fallen! Captain Suggitt (62), after some fine work on the battlefield, succumbed to his injuries after firing a shot straight up in the air, easily taken by the enemy. A fine showing by a fine man. Nothing more could have been asked of the Hampton Wick leader today.

(1430) Drummerboy Kemp, oft-forgotten son of the infamous Field Marshal Kemp, has bravely pushed forward to join Rifleman Jindal in the closing throws of this battle. Some fine work from Kemp (21) and a continued barrage from Jindal(76) sees the pair finish the 50 over offensive uninjured. Time to momentarily retreat back to HQ for rations, tobacco and to hide from the rain. Hampton Wick (209/6).

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(1530) After waiting out the inclement weather, the battle commences. Captain Suggitt has nominated Kemp and Ikram to be the first to engage the enemy with the ball.

(1545) Kemp has made a breakthrough! A fine delivery, straight through the defenses of the enemy has sent the stump flying.

(1546) CORRECTION. It appears that Kemp was occupying illegal territory (not for the first time) when he released that delivery. The enemy survives.

(1550) Jindal pushes forward into the Wick front line. He has only been on the front line minutes when he deceives the enemy, catching a very noticeable edge as it travels through to be comfortably taken by Specialist Wilmot.

(1551) CORRECTION. It appears only the 11 friendly forces heard the edge as it travelled past the bat. The enemy remains convinced he is uninjured and the umpires are inclined to believe him. After a minor skirmish on the battlefield, the enemy survives.

(1615) After Jindal’s earlier misfire, his persistence has paid off. Lessons learnt from last time, Jindal opts for the direct approach, the straight ball. Hit. Target down. 56-1.

(1700) The enemy has bedded down, weathering every barrage that the friendlies have thrown at them. Early optimism from the friendly forces is fading. A change in fortunes is required.

(1715) It was always going to take something crazy, but Captain Suggitt knows what he is doing in a pinch. In a moment of apparent madness, Captain Suggitt has promoted the cook to the frontline. Private Lockwood (M), wielding a very different kind of weapon, replaces speed with precision, sending down a deceiving salvo that strikes the high scoring enemy opener on his defenses right in front of the stumps. Target down. Is it too late? The friendlies are starting to believe. 130-2.

(1745) Siege tactics from Private Povah, Kemp and Ikram might pay off for the friendlies, but the enemy continues to advance at pace.

(1750) Kemp, channeling his rage after his earlier misadventures quickly takes down two of the enemy. Sergeant Gillis has also joined the attack and promptly claims a scalp. It’s do-or-die out there. The Wick troops are digging deep. 200-5.

(1815) MISSION FAILED. The enemy has prevailed. It was a hard fought battle in the end, but the enemy breached the Wick line with three overs to spare. It was a valiant effort, led from the front by Captain Suggitt with the bat, and a notable contribution from Jindal with both bat and ball. Early decisions going against the Wick bowlers might have cost them the battle today, but there were still plenty of positives to take away.

UTW.

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