Wick Avoid a Mole Hill at Cobham

Date: 17/08/2019
Opposition: Cobham Avorians
Venue: Convent Ln
Man of the match: MPG / FITZ (Too close to call)
Prat of the match: Keerat (Not so close)

The almighty Hampton Wick 1s awoke on an overcast Saturday morning in the knowledge that if they were to remain unbeaten in 8 weeks (7 games due to a classic soggy English summer), they would still be in with an outside chance of promotion to Division 3. If other results went their way and the winning record was maintained, anything was possible. Elsewhere in the sporting calendar, the eternal misery of the Premier League had reared its ugly head reminding all that spend their afternoon in off white clothing chasing balls round a field to avoid significant others or as an elaborate excuse to get drunk with your mates, that the summer is quietly drawing to an end and that its time to get a life. I think Arsenal won but who gives a s***? The England rugby team lost to the Welsh in a dull affair in Cardiff, and it had stopped raining at the Home of Cricket long enough for a young chap from the Caribbean to put the fear of God into a few Australians and helmet manufactures all over the world.

I digress. The 1s arrived at Cobham to find a pitch still with the covers on, a very very soggy outfield, an alarming wet patch on a good length as well as a delayed start. This did however allow a few members of the team to do what they would normally do on a Saturday morning had they not been so utterly devoted to the Wick. Some went and sat on the throne seeing what Tinder in Cobham had to offer (MPG). Some curled up in the corner listening to grime or MTV or whatever it is the Wick youth listen to these days (Colesy). Others watched England v Wales in the opening encounter of the European Hockey Championships in Antwerp while scoffing down meal deals (Blobz & Mike). It was safe to say that Khaira et al. sat outside in the fresh air while polluting the air around them with some dodgy banter and cigarette smoke. 2pm came and finally some cricket. Captain Copeland won yet another toss and decided to insert the opposition and give them first crack with willow in hand.


This is where the match report becomes a little boring as I basically reel of boring stats about cricket. But in short –

Keerat dropped a sitter, but none of us were bitter

Fitz bowled fast, yet didn’t quite last

He didn’t scream and yell, however, he did bottle a Michelle…

The rest held their catches, I’m told they win you matches

A stumping or three? Just the one for MPG.

In unfriendly conditions, our leggie would prevail

Mik came on and mopped up the tail.


The poetry theme of the last couple of match reports has been a new trend that neither myself or the more regular scribe can be held accountable for. I can only apologise for the shoddy quality of this week’s effort. Tea came and went, a good solid spread. Controversy erupted after a debate concerning the build-your-own sandwich element. Personally, your scribe had no issue and with plenty of Branston Pickle and even a cheese board, it was decided to ignore the Ikea flat pack sandwich idiots and concentrate on the batting. 7.5 / 10 for tea.

After the opening pair’s struggles of the last few weeks, a change of tactic was decided to chase down the 110 runs posted by Cobham. This saw the leader of the bowling attack and Prince of Surbiton Sashi Asokan open the batting with Khaira. The pair got off to watchful start before The Prince inexplicably run himself out for 8 attempting a third run. Bate then joined Khaira and with some typical powerful shots moved the scoreboard along for the Wick. Khaira departed on 7 and the out of form Wood joined Bate in the middle with the score at 37-2 and with work still to be done. After breaking another bat, if memory serves that brings the total to 3 poor perished pieces of willow, Bate was caught and bowled for 22. Blobz in his new position at 5 and with the chance of a spot in the most elite club in all of Surrey on the line, left a straight one to go for a solitary run. MPG joined Wood and the pair continued to chip away at Cobham’s total before Wood decided to take on one boundary too many and holed out for 20. Browning came and went in quick succession which left Copeland with the simple task a kicking away a few straight balls while MPG did the damage to seal another victory. And so, it was that the Wick 1s completed the win and retired to the bar for a pint of Frosty Ferret and contemplated whether or not to get on the lash following another victory.

“5 of your finest J-Bombs and 5 delicious pints of Moretti please Ken” , was uttered by your scribe before he pondered whether anyone else would like a drink.

Next week the AlmightyWick 1s face Haslemere at HQ and look to continue their assault on the league leaders.

See you next week.

Up The F****** Wick